Yeah, the lack of external pressure is a big part of why I'm okay with being in a romantic relationship tbh! Before my handler would put a lot of pressure on me to not get too attached to Gavin, but now I don't have that anymore, and nobody back home or here is judging us for whether our relationship meets specific romance milestones, so we're allowed to just figure out what works for us on our own devices! And it turns out that I'm aro in the sense that I don't care much about dating Gav, I just want to be as close as possible to him in any way and I'd love him whether we were boyfriends or friends or really cool sex partners, but I like being his boyfriend because he really like dating me and being my partner, so it's good! Our relationship isn't normal, but that doesn't mean it's bad for us!
Godddd yeah I really hate the concept of problematic representation. What do you mean messy queer experiences aren't good to show because they're too unpalatable and they make queers look bad? Straight romances can be toxic horny fantasies with complicated characters that hurt each other, but it's weird when queer people write that? Okay tell me more about your respectability politics :V
The amount of agency I have over it is interesting! I've talked about something similar with another friend - he was wondering why, if I was alive here and now, I couldn't just write stories about myself being safe and happy and peaceful. It's a good question! And I couldn't do that because the past had already happened to me, I'd already been hurt before I got here, and I couldn't just retcon the majority of my life out into something nicer. And at the same time I don't blame Max for writing that abuse, because they didn't hurt me by writing that, the pain only started to hold moral weight when I dropped in here and started having panic attacks. I think the same principle makes sense for my relationship - sure, Max wrote a bunch of it out, but by the time I got here, it happened to me already! So getting angry at him would be like, I dunno, yelling at the clouds for when they were blocking the sun two weeks ago, while it's sunny right now. It's not going to change anything!
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Yeah, the lack of external pressure is a big part of why I'm okay with being in a romantic relationship tbh! Before my handler would put a lot of pressure on me to not get too attached to Gavin, but now I don't have that anymore, and nobody back home or here is judging us for whether our relationship meets specific romance milestones, so we're allowed to just figure out what works for us on our own devices! And it turns out that I'm aro in the sense that I don't care much about dating Gav, I just want to be as close as possible to him in any way and I'd love him whether we were boyfriends or friends or really cool sex partners, but I like being his boyfriend because he really like dating me and being my partner, so it's good! Our relationship isn't normal, but that doesn't mean it's bad for us!
Godddd yeah I really hate the concept of problematic representation. What do you mean messy queer experiences aren't good to show because they're too unpalatable and they make queers look bad? Straight romances can be toxic horny fantasies with complicated characters that hurt each other, but it's weird when queer people write that? Okay tell me more about your respectability politics :V
The amount of agency I have over it is interesting! I've talked about something similar with another friend - he was wondering why, if I was alive here and now, I couldn't just write stories about myself being safe and happy and peaceful. It's a good question! And I couldn't do that because the past had already happened to me, I'd already been hurt before I got here, and I couldn't just retcon the majority of my life out into something nicer. And at the same time I don't blame Max for writing that abuse, because they didn't hurt me by writing that, the pain only started to hold moral weight when I dropped in here and started having panic attacks. I think the same principle makes sense for my relationship - sure, Max wrote a bunch of it out, but by the time I got here, it happened to me already! So getting angry at him would be like, I dunno, yelling at the clouds for when they were blocking the sun two weeks ago, while it's sunny right now. It's not going to change anything!
-Jude